The Love of the Lord in my Life

Last September, I was blessed with the opportunity to share my testimony with my brothers and sisters in our Stake Conference.  I meant to post it to my blog that week, but forgot.  Today, I was cleaning up some files on my computer and found my talk.  I wanted to share it here before I deleted it.  Although it was a very scary thing for me, I am grateful that I got to share how the Lord has blessed our little family.  There are many other tender experiences that filled that long year, but this talk focused on how my ward family had blessed our family and myself in particular.  I have to say, I felt very blessed to share how loved I felt.....

I’m not sure how a nice girl like me ended up in this predicament…but it’s a little better than the one I was in last night, because at least I have my talk with me today!!

President Porter asked me to speak on how I have seen the Lord’s Hand in my life through my ward family.  President Spencer W. Kimball stated “God does notice us, and he watches over us.  But it is usually through another mortal that He meets our needs.”  I am thankful for the chance to share how my ward family did just that for me during a difficult time in my life.

In early 2008, our family discovered that we were expecting our 5^th child.  We were very happy to be welcoming another precious spirit into our home.  But the results were not what we were praying for, and the year that followed was the longest and hardest that I have ever experienced.  We ended up losing three precious little ones during that difficult year.  Yet I can testify to you that I have never felt as close to my Savior or my Heavenly Father as I did during that long year.  Many times, during that year, my ward family reached out to love and serve me.  I want to share just a few of these experiences with you.

I was serving as the Beehive advisor then, and we were preparing for Girl’s camp.  Before we lost our 1^st little one, our camp director chose Alma 26:12 for our camp theme.  After our baby died, I was very discouraged.  I had prayed for a miracle, that somehow our doctor would be wrong and our baby would be okay.  When that didn’t happen, I blamed myself, thinking that if I had just had more faith, my miracle would have happened.

During this time of discouragement, I happened to read our camp scripture: Yea I know that I am nothing, as to my strength I am weak; therefore, I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I CAN DO ALL THINGS; yea behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever.

As I read this scripture, I realized that I was trying to rely on my own strength, and not my Heavenly Father’s.  I also came to know that sometimes the miracle is getting through the trial placed before you, not having it removed from you.  That scripture became my motto, I even modified it a little.  There were many hard days when I would tell myself “In his strength I can do ALL THINGS, even this crappy, sucky hard thing.”  Our camp director selected this scripture BEFORE we lost our baby.   Heavenly Father was aware of my needs, and ministered to me through our camp director, before the need was evident.  That was amazing and humbling to me.

When we lost our 2^nd baby, William, I was again overwhelmed by the love of my ward family.  One instance that has always stood out was my first Sunday at church after we had delivered our baby.  I remember going to Beehives with my girls, and being in such pain, physically, spiritually and emotionally.  As we finished up our lesson, I watched with a humble heart as my girls all knelt in prayer to break their fast for me. I have never felt as loved by my girls as I did then.  It was incredible to me that these sweet daughters of God cared enough about my sorrow that they would fast in my behalf.

That year, when our family met with our Bishop for tithing settlement, he asked us to kneel in prayer with him.  I can’t remember a single word that he said in that prayer, but I will never forget the overwhelming spirit of love that filled the room.  I knew that this good man loved my family, and was aware of the needs in our home.

In March 2009, we lost our 3^rd baby.  I was devastated.  I had told very few people that we were expecting, so hardly anyone knew of our loss.  I have never felt as sad, alone or broken as I did at that time.  I started praying for my Father to please take away the desire for more children to bless our home.  At that time, a sister in the ward who didn’t know of my heartache, shared her own trials with me.  She shared a scripture that had brought much comfort to her.  It was D&C 98:1-3

            “Verily, I say unto you my friends, fear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks.

           “Waiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayer have entered into the ears of the Lord of Saboath, and are recorded with this seal and testament-the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted.

            “Therefore he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things shall work together for your good, and to my name’s glory saith the Lord.”

As she shared her testimony, my heart was filled with peace.  I knew that my Father in Heaven had ministered to me through this sweet sister being willing to share her insights and love.  I was once again blown away by his mindfulness of me.

As time passed, my heart and soul began to heal.  I prayed for the patience to accept the Lord’s timing.  I started to think that if there were supposed to be more children in our home, the Lord would find a way to get them there.  But I couldn’t let go of my doubt and fear.

The Bishop had challenged us to read the Book of Mormon by August.  I was reading, but I fell behind in my reading, and was still in Ether the next February.  I was reading Ether 12, and my heart was again blessed by Heavenly Father.  As I read verses 6 and 12, the words jumped right into my heart.

            “…faith are things which are hoped for and not seen…ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith…

               “For if there be no faith among the children of men, God can do no miracle among them; wherefore he showed not himself until after their faith.”

As I read these verses, I knew that I had to let go of my doubt and fear.  I was asking for a miracle, and I had to be willing to do my part.  I tried to trust in Him and let go of my fears from that time on.

In April, we were excited to learn that we were going to have another baby.  The next Sunday, I told our Relief Society sisters during the Good News Minute.  I also felt prompted to ask those sweet sisters to pray for our little one.  It was because I had felt so loved and supported during times of struggle, that I knew I could ask this of them.

I wasn’t prepared for the outpouring of love that I received from my ward family.  I want to share just a few examples of the love they shared with me.

One dear friend prayed for me every time she drove past my house.  She also fasted for me every fast Sunday during my pregnancy.

One of our primary children remembered to bless our baby every time it was her turn to say family prayers.  She didn’t have to be reminded long after her brothers and sisters had forgotten.

 As I was set apart as a member of our Primary Presidency, our Bishop promised that our home would be blessed with every needful thing as I served willingly.  When I would get worried, I would tell the baby that he was VERY NEEDFUL thing in our home.

As my pregnancy progressed, the love of our ward members became even more evident.  The bigger my belly got, the more it was patted and rubbed.  I told my husband that I was starting to feel like Buddha.  I wanted to tell our primary kids that it wasn’t LUCKY, just BIG!!   But I truly knew that my ward family loved me, and the little one soon to join our ward family.

On December 14, we welcomed Joseph Richard Wilde into our home and family.  He is a happy, healthy, strong boy, and truly is a miracle to us.  He is a testimony to me of the power of faith and prayer, united with love. 

As I look back on that time of sorrow and trial, that ultimately led to faith, hope, and many miracles, I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father.  I am thankful for my ward family, who kept their baptismal covenants, by mourning with me, loving me, serving me, and praying in my behalf.   I truly have felt the love of my Father through their efforts.

One of my favorite quotes is by a poet, John Greenleaf Whittier:  “Thee lift me, and I’ll lift thee; and we’ll both ascend together.”  My ward lived this principle beautifully, and we were all blessed because of it.  As we love and serve one another, we all grow closer to our Father in Heaven.

I bear testimony to you that the Lord is aware of our needs.  He loves us, and is mindful of our trials and sorrows.  I know that my Savior lives, and that he knows my struggles.  I am so grateful for His love and light in my life.

   

I couldn't help but tear up as I read through this talk again.  As I look back at that time I am still just amazed at how aware my Father is of my needs.  And it's not just mine...when we reach out to our Father in Heaven, he always listens, always blesses us...maybe not always in the way we expect, but His love is ALWAYS there.